emotions, bottled

2019 – Emotional Goal #1

I Didn’t Understand My Emotions

Becoming more emotionally mature meant embracing my emotions, not stifling them. I needed to understand my emotions to grow.

What Is The Problem?

I do a really bad job of understanding, and expressing my emotions. I try my best, but too often I find myself having outbursts because I don’t manage them.

This affects those close to me, as they’re often there and are impacted negatively by the lashing out, but also those who aren’t close to me probably see me as unstable and fragile.

Working on this will make me a healthier, happier, person, who is capable of having complex emotions, and one who manages  them healthily

What Am I Going To Do?

I am going to keep track of my main emotions (joy-sadness, anger-fear, trust-distrust, surprise-anticipation), and write about what I feel, how I feel about feeling that, and where applicable, talk to someone (if they’re the result of that emotion) in a sensible manner

What Will Success Look Like?

Success will look like data on my emotions, how I feel about my feelings, and a progression of my understanding. My writings will be more intelligent and meaningful, letting me extract value.

Success will look like me not bottling up my emotions, and being able to express them.

Success Criteria:

  • Identify key words I use when talking about my emotions
  • Competently express complex & difficult emotions
  • Feel more insightful about my emotions

How Did I Do?

I quickly stopped frequent writings on my emotions in my website. I definitely put too much focus on ‘data’ for this, and it took me time to refocus. However I did write a lot, still, starting in August when I built my journal system. This journalling let me focus on in-the-moment thoughts and feelings.

Journalling let me identify my triggers, pick up on early indicators of downswings, and work to curb them. A typical down-turn would start with a late night with housemates, which led to poor sleep. In turn, this meant the next day I was recovering when I should have been studying. It usually took me a week to pick myself back up.

By implementing strategies like preemptive study, better sleep schedule for other nights, and meal prep, I minimised how bad the downswings would be, and I was more emotionally stable as a result.

My sobriety, another 2019 goal, helped this too. By facing my emotions head on, working through challenges, I grew a better understanding of how my emotions worked. I became a more emotionally healthy man through this, was able to better express ehat I was feeling, and became a much calmer person who was accepting of my usual cycles.

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